Dare to be Me
Apr. 13th, 2003 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
essene_backupREALLY really nervous. My first attempt at slash...EVER. Be kind.
Andrew’s whole body tensed as Spike hissed in his ear, “Following me?”
Andrew had been following Spike—just trying to understand some of the mystique behind the whole tortured souled vampire thing. Plus, he was trying to get his swagger down.
“No! Of course not! I was just…just…” Andrew’s body began to bail on him, arms wildy gesticulating, head turning from side to side in panic, “…just doing research.”
Through slitted eyes Spike asked, “Since when did they let you out of the house?”
“Wellll…they don’t actually know I’m gone. Did a little mojo-jojo and,” here he made a persona change complete with dramatic hand emphasis, “ poof, I was ignore-boy, just like the cloak of invisibility.”
“What?” Spike spoke with something between derision and disbelief.
“You know, Harry gets the cloak from his uncle and it was his dad’s and he can wear it and no one knows he’s there?. People see me, but don’t pay any attention to me. I blend in, become part of the scenery, below notice,” and to himself, “think I over-used it in high school though.”
“You must have done your spell all arseways, as I see you standing here well enough. Kind of hard to ignore the nervous sweat oozing from your pores, you minger.” Spike looked him up and down in a way that made Andrew’s stomach knot.
Cocking his head in real curiosity, Andrew said, “What’s a minger?”
“An insult you git. A minger is an idiot, a stupid, sad little man.” Spike gave him a final look and turned on his heel to walk away.
“You’re just so cool.”
Spike stopped. Turned slowly. “Excuse me?”
“I…I…you….you’re just so cool.” Andrew said the words with more force and empasis this time.
Raising his brows, Spike queried, “What precisely, do you mean?”
Andrew spoke in a rush, words tumbling out of his mouth, “You have this whole aura about you, even if you weren’t a vampire with the whole eternal aura, you walk and talk and even stand like you own the world. And the women? They drool the second you walk in the room. To be even just a little bit like you, I mean, I even bought the coat and tried the all black fashion statement, Jonathan said it just made me look washed out….”
Spike cut him off, “You want to be like me?” He sounded incredulous.
“Oh, god if only! To be angsty and torn and so obviously in love, but totally noble and still retain just a hint of Clark Kent on red kryptonite,” in a final burst of adulation, “To have a vampire such as you? Anne Rice only wishes!” Andrew’s face had picked up an excited flush and his nervousness had been rubbed out by his obvious exuberance.
Abruptly, Andrew found his back pressed painfully to the tree behind him, his neck clenched between strong, sure fingers, “You think that pain is cool? That unrequited love is cool? That overwhelming guilt is cool? That not being alive is cool?” Spike’s voice had taken on an even more menacing undertone and his whole body had tensed in anger.
Andrew couldn’t believe he was this close to Spike. Even in his dreams there was a distance between them that seemed insurmountable. Unable to control himself, he closed his eyes and brushed a kiss over the angry mouth that was so close to his. He’d thought about what the vampire’s skin might feel like, how he would smell—up close and personal. Somehow, it was different and so much better. Not as cold as he had thought, and a musky, smoky scent …
Spike’s hand dropped from Andrew’s neck as if on fire, and he took a giant step backward, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as he moved, fixing Andrew with an intense, disapproving look.
“Don’t play with things you don’t understand boy.” Spike spat on the grass, pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
The hurt surprised him. Like a kicked puppy, Andrew cowered against the tree. He hadn’t expected any return on his tentative kiss, but to be looked at like he was dirt, no worse than dirt, worms in dirt, no microbes on the worms in dirt, no protons that were part of the cellular structure of the microbes on the….
“You can’t stoke a fire that’s turned to ash.” The melancholy tone in Spike’s voice puzzled Andrew and he raised his head out of his self-recrimination.
Instead of a pissed-off-ready-to-battle-and-kick-his-ass posture, Spike’s stance held an air of defeat and resignation.
“I’m sorry. I just….you…I don’t know, “ he was cut off again
“Shut your cakehole. You knew exactly what you were doing.” Andrew watched the smoke spiral around the platinum hair as the vampire talked, “You hoped I would take you and pound you into the ground,” Spike looked at him with knowing eyes through the haze, “one way or another.”
Andrew swallowed heavily as he felt his testicles loosen from the tight, anticipatory bunch they had been in, and felt them coil again as he heard Spike’s words, “So which way do you want it boy?”
“What?” Andrew’s mouth had gone dry and jello had apparently taken the place of his bones.
“Do you want me to beat you up or beat you off?” Spike flicked the butt of his cigarette away and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for an answer.
Andrew’s whole body tensed as Spike hissed in his ear, “Following me?”
Andrew had been following Spike—just trying to understand some of the mystique behind the whole tortured souled vampire thing. Plus, he was trying to get his swagger down.
“No! Of course not! I was just…just…” Andrew’s body began to bail on him, arms wildy gesticulating, head turning from side to side in panic, “…just doing research.”
Through slitted eyes Spike asked, “Since when did they let you out of the house?”
“Wellll…they don’t actually know I’m gone. Did a little mojo-jojo and,” here he made a persona change complete with dramatic hand emphasis, “ poof, I was ignore-boy, just like the cloak of invisibility.”
“What?” Spike spoke with something between derision and disbelief.
“You know, Harry gets the cloak from his uncle and it was his dad’s and he can wear it and no one knows he’s there?. People see me, but don’t pay any attention to me. I blend in, become part of the scenery, below notice,” and to himself, “think I over-used it in high school though.”
“You must have done your spell all arseways, as I see you standing here well enough. Kind of hard to ignore the nervous sweat oozing from your pores, you minger.” Spike looked him up and down in a way that made Andrew’s stomach knot.
Cocking his head in real curiosity, Andrew said, “What’s a minger?”
“An insult you git. A minger is an idiot, a stupid, sad little man.” Spike gave him a final look and turned on his heel to walk away.
“You’re just so cool.”
Spike stopped. Turned slowly. “Excuse me?”
“I…I…you….you’re just so cool.” Andrew said the words with more force and empasis this time.
Raising his brows, Spike queried, “What precisely, do you mean?”
Andrew spoke in a rush, words tumbling out of his mouth, “You have this whole aura about you, even if you weren’t a vampire with the whole eternal aura, you walk and talk and even stand like you own the world. And the women? They drool the second you walk in the room. To be even just a little bit like you, I mean, I even bought the coat and tried the all black fashion statement, Jonathan said it just made me look washed out….”
Spike cut him off, “You want to be like me?” He sounded incredulous.
“Oh, god if only! To be angsty and torn and so obviously in love, but totally noble and still retain just a hint of Clark Kent on red kryptonite,” in a final burst of adulation, “To have a vampire such as you? Anne Rice only wishes!” Andrew’s face had picked up an excited flush and his nervousness had been rubbed out by his obvious exuberance.
Abruptly, Andrew found his back pressed painfully to the tree behind him, his neck clenched between strong, sure fingers, “You think that pain is cool? That unrequited love is cool? That overwhelming guilt is cool? That not being alive is cool?” Spike’s voice had taken on an even more menacing undertone and his whole body had tensed in anger.
Andrew couldn’t believe he was this close to Spike. Even in his dreams there was a distance between them that seemed insurmountable. Unable to control himself, he closed his eyes and brushed a kiss over the angry mouth that was so close to his. He’d thought about what the vampire’s skin might feel like, how he would smell—up close and personal. Somehow, it was different and so much better. Not as cold as he had thought, and a musky, smoky scent …
Spike’s hand dropped from Andrew’s neck as if on fire, and he took a giant step backward, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as he moved, fixing Andrew with an intense, disapproving look.
“Don’t play with things you don’t understand boy.” Spike spat on the grass, pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
The hurt surprised him. Like a kicked puppy, Andrew cowered against the tree. He hadn’t expected any return on his tentative kiss, but to be looked at like he was dirt, no worse than dirt, worms in dirt, no microbes on the worms in dirt, no protons that were part of the cellular structure of the microbes on the….
“You can’t stoke a fire that’s turned to ash.” The melancholy tone in Spike’s voice puzzled Andrew and he raised his head out of his self-recrimination.
Instead of a pissed-off-ready-to-battle-and-kick-his-ass posture, Spike’s stance held an air of defeat and resignation.
“I’m sorry. I just….you…I don’t know, “ he was cut off again
“Shut your cakehole. You knew exactly what you were doing.” Andrew watched the smoke spiral around the platinum hair as the vampire talked, “You hoped I would take you and pound you into the ground,” Spike looked at him with knowing eyes through the haze, “one way or another.”
Andrew swallowed heavily as he felt his testicles loosen from the tight, anticipatory bunch they had been in, and felt them coil again as he heard Spike’s words, “So which way do you want it boy?”
“What?” Andrew’s mouth had gone dry and jello had apparently taken the place of his bones.
“Do you want me to beat you up or beat you off?” Spike flicked the butt of his cigarette away and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for an answer.
